Observations

I just need you there so that the loneliness and the sadness and the despair doesn’t drown me. I just need some help treading water for a little longer. But I can’t tell you this. I can’t tell you because I am scared to admit it to myself yet. We need a different scale of

Terrors ………. Most common one is I am pinned down and can’t move while another figure is going to stab Ann and Owen .Giant spiders all over the room , being shot and being stuck on a hospital bed next to Owen then the figures start cutting owen . Lions in the room . In my room and I know or I think I know that I am in danger I don’t know what the danger is ? it’s just a feeling a terrifying feeling that I can’t describe , faceless black figures dragging me down the street and I end up somewhere random ! I see vividly and wonder why no one can see what I see ? The more night terrors I have the more tired I am and vice versa the more terrifying one was , the longer I lie awake for nights terrified to go to sleep , the more exhausted I get !Talking to people is really making me feel weak and exhausted . Sleep walking and waking up in random places sometimes crying , sometimes just really confused and sometimes I am back in bed and can remember being somewhere just not sure where ? The other night I was being attacked and I found myself running and then rummaging through the cutlery drawer looking for a knife two nights in a row . Just writing this down makes me feel , I’m not sure . Fear , terror it’s a horrible sick feeling and it’s always there because I always have to go to bed !!

Thanks Me

2 years on

Hi It’s been two years since my breakdown and am I where I thought I would be ? Or the psychiatrist or therapist. I can sense frustration from them , feel like they want me to try harder like I’m just coasting and every days not a struggle . Smiling , doing odd jobs ,

Ripples

Hi Know what I hate ? I hate how this illness spreads out and touches everyone around you with the same bony black finger that’s always poking at me . Hate it ! Makes me feel sick .

Is feeling better, better ?

Hi . I am in a very weird place just now I feel like I have split in two ! On one hand I am starting to …. not feel better , but function again and this is the problem !. I have days now when I feel like a brand new day has dawned

Damaged

Hi I have been thinking a lot lately that I am damaged now ! Damaged by the illness , does it do that ? Does it damage your brain permanently ? It’s strange as you live each day to stay alive , stay on top but one thing comes along and your straight back into

Loneliness Is My Norm hr635

Originally posted on Hidemi’s Rambling by Hidemi Woods:
The nearest grocery store from my home is a 25-minute walk away. That small local store carried a sale on eggs at one dollar for ten. I walked there with my partner to get them. Since my town is so small and rural, there are usually…

This ones all over the place !!

Friday : Felt really uncomfortable and very panicked the later it got and nearer bed time , it was getting worse, fell asleep 6:45 got lost in the hall I was confused and got in a panic really trying to keep myself together for Ann so she can get a bit peace , don’t want

Loneliness

Hi I still can’t get my head round the fact that it doesn’t matter how many people I am around , I still feel so lonely , like I’m the only person on the planet ! Depression does many things to you , it takes what somewhere far away I know is the truth ,

Writing just keeps me hanging on … ( lots of notes )

Taken in aggregate, a small bump in the road can easily be understood as something which would prompt somebody to commit suicide. While you might say to somebody who’s lost their job “just get another job” it’s actually much more complicated than that: most people are only one or two unfortunate and mostly unintentional (