It’s almost as impossible to find these positives everyone keeps telling me about , and that I should look forward and not back ! I know everybody means well and it is extremely difficult for people to understand that I don’t see good or bad , sad or happy , hopefulness or hopelessness . I search and I search without any success so far , I know I will get to the other side of this and the doctor has warned me I will never be 100% , and that’s ok , that’s fine . In the meantime I have what I am now calling my wee lights , little bits of what I know will be my logs to grab on to when I’m washing away , keep me alive , keep me fighting and hopefully one day they will all join together and be my big light and blow away the darkness .
I am writing this in thanks for all those close to me and beyond , in thanks for keeping me sane ( ish ) and just being there at whatever time and wherever they may be !! sounds a bit cliche and I don’t like cliches , you all are my wee lights and you all keep me going . My thanks will never be enough ❤️ .