Trying to sort my head out a bit last night and I have came to the conclusion that what does death matter ? Why worry about leaving a legacy , a cash lump sum a house ! Why be afraid of dyeing, what scares you ? I don’t feel sorrow or empathy or any emotions again at the moment so it’s easy to ask these questions .
Ask yourself truthfully why am I scared of dyeing , why am I knocking my pan in to get a nicer car or bigger house or even save as much ? So you can be the good guy that left someone your savings and house , that took you all the years of working , saving and bringing up children to then leave them all you struggled for , seems mad and I know I used to panic about dyeing be worried ,but death does not have a hold on me anymore I will die one day whether I’m loaded or skint . As will everyone else . So why not take the time smell a flower give someone a hand , spend time with family and friends , buy your special someone some flowers , smile at a stranger because you don’t know what they may be going through and just maybe your random smile will give them the energy to carry on to see that the worlds maybe not such a shitty dark place .
One small act of kindness will be paid forward .
So I guess in my situation , my depressive journey that throws new challenges up constantly . It is such a magpie just sneaking about just stealing random things from you . I read an article about Robin Williams that his friend wrote and he stated people are of the opinion that if you commit suicide your weak and a coward ! He says no you are the exact opposite you are strong because as a human being we are programmed to do all we can to survive and are given the necessary tools to do this , now think how much having the courage of your conviction to bypass all the survival strategies and do the one thing your being is desperate to do .. survive . To be able to fight that battle and win is for me is balls out bravery not an easy option or weak ! For me it is always there , stronger some days and overwhelming another and as I’ve said before I am not frightened , not scared if that’s what happens then so be it !
These are my thoughts and opinions