I am getting into a darker and darker place , guilts worse and crushing , feeling empty and alone voices telling me all sorts of horrible things , uou cant do that youre useless , worthless .
Go to the bridge take some pills walk in front of this car , your not brave enough are you , well.are you louder and louder i cant find me or really hear me anymore being drowned out by the voices .
Sometimes i smell the hospital and sometimes a really salty taste in my mouth like im in the sea and dreams of falling and drowning , sounds bad but i feel peace and rest , ive shut them up and im not afraid anymore.
Voices telling me fo commit suicide ease everyones burden not mine theres !
Talking about changing meds which is ok if the new ones help , i am though terrified of whats coming for the 3 to 4 weeks until they kick in , at the moment im scraping by the skin of my teeth . Dump more on me i genuinly do not have the energy either physically or mentally to cope with that .
Was also thinking about this blog and its usefullness is there any point do i i get anything from it , i think so but not sure as yet , not sure whats real and whats not half the time so cant figure out if its useful ! Will keep writing and if anyone who reads it can share it , as i said maybe someone will get some comfort from it if your feeling so isolated alone and possibly suicidal , your not alone .!!
Well thats my day today .